A Woman's Self Worth
I'm not exactly certain why the story of the 9 month pregnant woman who had to fight off and kill a nutcase who wanted to steal her unborn child bothered me so much. (Located at http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/02/14/woman.attacked.ap/index.html?section=cnn_topstories) The story truly yanked at something primal inside of me. The mix of emotions is difficult to separate, but here's my best shot.
Most people realize that I am a mother, and as such would do anything within my power, including give my life for my child. It's something that you hear from most mothers. The idea that a pregnant woman would defend her unborn child in this way is not surprising, although being 9 months pregnant and physically defending oneself is not easy. What IS surprising to me is the recent rash of women who SO want a baby that they would kill another human being and cut the child from her womb.
Why in the world would someone do this? What possible drive is SO strong that one MUST have a child; a child of one's own ethnicity (if not one's own genes)? I don't buy the argument that women are driven by something internal to become a mother. I realize I will likely get flamed for this notion, but I think that a lot of the issue is external pressure.
I remember the B.C. (Before Child) time when I was perfectly happy, and feeling perfectly fulfilled with a uterine occupancy rate of zero. Perfect strangers would tell me that I would never be complete without a child. Wouldn't be complete? I was then pretty complete in my relationship with my husband. No man that I had ever known had been told that HE would not be complete without a child, however plenty of men AND women were quick to tell me about my lack of completeness.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that "society is to blame." Far from it. Insane people who believe that killing others because they covet something as personal as their unborn child have no possible excuse that lies outside their own twisted psyche. But I do think we need to look carefully at a society where so many people spend billions of dollars per year for in vitro fertilization, people travel the world to adopt children that look like them, and seem completely surprised when a married couple chooses to remain childless.
A woman's completeness is NOT measured by her uterine production rate.
UPDATE: Last night in a chat room, someone actually attempted to tell us that women "think differently" when they are post menopause. That the hormones that "determine their thought patterns" shift and so she thinks differently. That falls directly into this same rubric of sexism that mandates that a woman must have a child to be complete. Hormones govern emotions, not base cognition. Hormones and emotions can alter perceptions, but they do not change HOW we think, or even necessarily WHAT we think.
The whole idea that someone would blatantly say that women "think differently" due to hormonal shifts has been used to keep women "in their places" for millennia. How can a woman be trusted with authority or responsibility if she has those pesky shifting hormones running around? I had hoped that this fallacy had died in the 50's but instead, it is alive and unwell, and living in a few pagan clergy who should know better.
It pains me to see how much further we have to go.
Comments
I don't see any reason for flames. Your arguement makes perfect sense to me. I used to want four children; then I had one. I realized I didn't want another child, not because I dislike being a mother, but because my relationship with my son is too precious to me and when you have another child that relationship changes. It has to, and although I would love another child just as much, I said no. I got so much pressure from people to have a second child that it drove me to the very brink of rudeness at times. My own mother once said, "What will you do if he dies?" As if having another child would make up for the loss of the first. I couldn't believe that. I know two women who have chosen to remain child-free (as opposed to child-less), and they are dynamic, compassionate women who lead very fulfilling lives.
Thank you for bringing the issue up.
Posted by: justshellyca | February 17, 2005 02:44 AM
I am an adoptee and in addition parented my own children through adoption and have never totally understood the concept of one needing to be genetically related to one's family. I'm also post-menopausal (surgical) and haven't been aware of any huge changes in my innate sense of self.
What I find truly alarming today, is how many women (in my suburban neck of the woods) still seem to need approval from their husbands or cohorts to do anything. I mean *anything*-even something mundane like going out of an evening for coffee at the local bookstore with friends. I've always sensed that for many, becoming parents was indeed something they were "supposed" to do and not necc. something they would have chosen, or chosen at the time it happened.
Posted by: amysue | February 20, 2005 03:20 PM