Santa Shot Down by F16s. Violated Washington ADIZ
In a tragic turn of events this Christmas, a small experimental aircraft was shot down after ignoring attempts to divert it away from the area. The White House confirmed that the President was not in residence at the time. The decision to fire was made after repeated attempts to contact the aircraft via radio were seemingly ignored by the pilot, who was seen to throw brightly colored objects out of the aircraft, in a likely attempt to ward off the intercepting fighter jets.
"All pilots know of the Washington Defense Zone," said an unnamed source at NORAD. "Flying in this area without a radio in experimental aircraft is just not done. We regret having to take this dramatic action."
The crippled aircraft limped to an emergency landing on the mall, its 8 engines seemingly intact. As the pilot was being dragged away by the Secret Service, having wrestled him to the ground, he was heard to say "I'm Santa Claus fer chrissakes! Where the hell is your Christmas spirit?" Santa's lawyer could not be reached for comment. Children waking up without gifts this morning are urged to call NORAD's missing gift hotline at 1.800.no.fly.