Non Fluffy Wicca

Ra ra, Jenny. I despise being called "Lady Kestra" and attempt to correct anyone who does that, despite also having earned the title. Now, about Jenny's claim that she was suckered into UEW Leadership, all I can say is "we have you NOW my pretty :-)" MOO HA HA HAAAAAAAA.

Jenny is a member of the "triad" of UEW - the group that takes the blame. It's all our fault.

Witchvox Article:


Every so often you come across some woman who thinks that for one reason or another, everyone should call her “Lady So-and-So” because she’s a Second or Third Degree somebody in some tradition or she’s a priestess or self-declared “high priestess” of a circle or coven. Much more rarely you can find a man who does the same thing, only he’ll want to be a “Lord.” They want everyone in Paganism and occasionally the rest of the public with whom they come in contact to use those titles—and the sometimes-goofy names they put with them (Erisians and Discordians, you’re excused on principle).

Why? I have my suspicions, but I can’t definitively answer that question. Instead, I’d like to tell you why I don’t.

First, let me give you a little background. I have been a student and member of the Universal Eclectic Wicca tradition since August of 1999. In that time, I have done the work to progress through the First Circle, through the Second Circle, and I’m currently a student of the Third Circle, pending the completion of a project that has now taken me nearly five years. I started mentoring other students online after about a year. Four years ago, I took my first offline students in a small teaching coven.

A year ago this month, I began my own real-live UEW coven, and I’m teaching “real” students again in addition to my online ones. About eighteen months ago, I got suckered into taking a leadership position in my tradition (which was supposed to be to give somebody a TEMPORARY year-long reprieve to finish a book…AHEM!).

Under the rules of my tradition I could make the people in my tradition refer to me as “Lady.” This might fly with my students and some of my coveners, who generally have less experience in Wicca than I do. However, everyone else I know would laugh right to my face, as several of them have seen me quite drunk, late at night or REALLY early in the morning, and thus have been disabused of the notion of my inherent superiority.

So for those of you who would say “You’re just jealous!” I assure you that I am not. Rather, I am jaded. They both start with “j” but mean quite different things.

I became jaded early on. It probably happened because from what I read when I was learning I understood that “Lady” belonged to the Goddess and to the High Priestess of a coven. I figured that if you’re putting yourself on par with the Goddess you must have done something pretty serious to earn that standing. I remember thinking that it would be such an honor to have that title one day, to be the priestess of a coven and teach Wicca to others.

Then I got my butt online and started encountering lots of “Ladies, ” many of whom turned out to be 15 and under. Not long after that the story about that teacher who posted naked pictures of herself on her coven website broke. She had been Wiccan 18 months and was the “High Priestess” of a coven. How did that happen—the High Priestess bit, I mean? In 18 months?

And then there were the people who used “Reverend” because they went to that website and got their free certificate who had done nothing else academically or spiritually and who were now ordained. I mean, I guess I would understand if there was really a need for it, but if there’s really a need for it then do the work to establish a church. If you aren’t serving your community with your new ordination then why have it? But I guess that’s a topic for another essay. For those of you who are curious, in UEW you must give at least ten years of service as a priest/ess before you can claim the title of High anything, and we have some pretty strict rules about who can be ordained.

So, if I can call myself “Lady, ” why don’t I?

The single most important reason is this: I don’t need to. It is absolutely not important to me for anyone else to know the various positions I hold or titles I have a right to use. Those are for me. In fact, it’s entirely possible that members of my tradition that I interact with online don’t know I’m in leadership until they need me for something.

The only time it’s important for someone to know my factual, verifiable qualifications is when they want to know if I’m a bona-fide teacher of my tradition or if they want a legal marriage. Outside of those situations, if I can’t gain someone’s friendship and respect based on who I am and what I know either I’m doing something wrong or that person isn’t someone I care to befriend.

If my students aren’t assured that I have something to teach them then some grand title won’t magically give me the knowledge and charisma to keep them coming to class, nor will it attract the kind of people that I want in my coven.

That’s right—I don’t really want to hang with people who are impressed by a pretty word or who are seeking a title of their very own.

Don’t get me wrong. I am quite proud of the work I have accomplished in UEW. I find leadership positions to be very gratifying, and I find serving as a priestess deeply satisfying. It’s just that I don’t do those things to be called Lady Fluffer-Nutter. I do them out of a sense of spiritual calling, and that is as it should be.

Any quest for spiritual knowledge should be for personal improvement, not to impress other people.