Rite of Passage
In response to a question asked on the Athames Edge mailing list:The most meaningful rite of passage for me was my pregnancy and the birth of my daughter. We had no desire to have children in our lives, and doctors have told me that I likely wouldn't be able to have any anyway. As is often the case, the doctors were wrong :-)
Third year of law school, last semester, I knew immediately (as in right after intercourse I felt the egg release and thought "uh oh"), but tried to push it out of my mind. Naw, couldn't have happened. Two weeks later I got a raging case of optic neuritis (went blind in one eye and had horrible pain). Doctor prescribed prednisone. I filled the script, then thought "uh oh... What if I'm pregnant...". Had to take a nap because I was so tired, and told poor then hubby to go to the store and get me a pregnancy test. I woke up at 2 am, no test, made hubby get out of bed and go get one. Imagine a 6'4" tall man with hair down his back and all over the place, looking like hell warmed over, standing there in line at the 24 hour safeway buying one thing... A pregnancy test. The cashier said, "you POOR man."
Well, it was positive, they told me to take the pred anyway. Eye came back, but the neurologists had a field day with me, diagnosing me with MS and trying to do every test in the book but I wouldn't let them (I'm a terrible patient.)
Then the ob/gyns had some fun with me. Finally, one pissed me off so badly by telling me, "I don't know why you're asking so many questions, we're going to do what's best for the baby." My husband asked about the baby's "outer wrapper" and he kinda hemmed and hawed and told me that he didn't care if I was afraid. We fired them, which was likely the best thing I ever did re: my own health. We went to certified nurse midwives instead.
The midwives were wonderful. Really wonderful. They were caring, took the time with me, told me the facts, and most of all made me do the research and take control of my own pregnancy and childbirth. That was very empowering. Then the time came (after breaking my water in front of a 22 year old male who was having dinner with us. Never saw anyone go white so quickly in my life :-)) and off we went. The midwife let me pound on the floor and yell, swear, stomp around, use the hot tub, and be a general beast for the 5 hour labor and then as my ex husband says, "popped" the baby :-).
When I saw Morgan come out of me, and the cord that connected us, my life changed irrevocably and for the better. She was 9 1/2 pounds worth of love more pure than anything I'd ever experienced. In an instant, life went from Maiden to Mother. Then I looked in vain for the manual :-). Ut oh. We were on our own.